I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
