Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
