please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So squirting runs in the family.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
