my phone needs a breathalizer
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
