Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
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