i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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