So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
a search helicopter?!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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