apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I love you. Go after that dick
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