I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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