Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you guys were way drunker than both of me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
