well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
