Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
