I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
3 2 1 whiskey
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
