Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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