It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
