I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
