That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
