Barsexuality is the new black.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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