Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
