guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
