Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
