Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
