Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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