I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
