i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
