If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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