You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
