That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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