Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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