only if we run a train.
done.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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