I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
