He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
