I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
