We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Pants are for mortals
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
