i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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