I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
