i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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