I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im six kinds of drunk right now
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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