I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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