I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
