Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
