My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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