But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
