just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
how drunk are you?
Several
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
