So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
