Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
