Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
