My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
