You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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