if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
